Thoughts

It’s the day after fourth of July and I am sitting in the beach house in Seabrook, New Hampshire on a hot sunny summer day,  alone.

I wonder what people are thinking or what they are on when they say or do stuff. It’s funny knowing the truth about something without actually telling the person you know.

I leave in 2 weeks. I wonder if I can just brush things off. But a person said something to me last night that I have heard before “You always expect the worse” Yes, I do. Because often when I do trust the feeling in my stomach I turn out to be right and I don’t want to be.

The whole time I was at home I really thought you weren’t dating anyone and I feel a bit silly believing that, now knowing that you actually were dating a few girls. It just makes me feel like I am naive and should know better than to think someone would entirely want to be with me and wait until I got there. That being said, you probably are thinking you have needs or something.

It just bothers me. And the little white lies that are pointless.
Everyone should know that I am an affectionate person and sometimes I feel like if I go to hug you or kiss you in front of our friends you will turn away so I don’t try to do that, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.

12 days left.

Silver Moon :)

Silver Moon

With a Copper Heart

Did not forsee finding such a beautiful man as you

A Red Rose

You are wonderful, You light up this world

You make things right and give her courage

Always in her thoughts,

You never leave her mind or heart

I love you truly and deeply

And its enough to know I will never be too far for long

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Empty

I feel really alone

Beauty in love is just the beginning of a heart mourning

Under the sea

A Velvet lining on a ship

The heart of copper shining brightly

She smiles

You make her happy

There are few years in this life left

Be with her and make her happy

And she will smile every day you are around

Til the end

Prove that I can trust you

You’re a heart breaker, I can tell. Stand my distance, don’t look him in the eye and you can’t get hurt. Put my armour on and never tell my secrets.

Rain Clouds Suddenly

I feel like I shouldn’t be but I am hurt by it. It’s really silly but somehow it’s changed something a little bit. I need to not care so much, don’t get too attached.

Beyond Belief

Ahhh I kind of really need someone to just grab me and say it will all be okay. far out this sucks. Terry just died and I am leaving the country in 14 days. I really need to just have someone just chill out with me and tell me everything will be fine

Bust a ridiculous move

After watching my friends ridiculous wedding video of the first dance I am somehow inspired to just jump up and be a spazz and have a laugh. Gosh weddings and babies are going on left right and centre!

I was thinking how cool it is to have that person who is willing enough to be a spazz and have a laugh with you just for the sake of it!

I went to the movies with Mel and we saw Star Trek which was incredibly good. We also went ring shopping to get a ring size for my 21st birthday gift.

Briefly saw my nephew when Mel’s mother in law came and picked her up, Leo giggled at me in the window as I was pulling silly faces at him

So it could be a very sad week, we’ll see. Just waiting for news on Cait’s dad Terry

I feel so sad having leaving so soon after all of this but she assured me all was okay and she was coping

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